March 25, 2020 – Part 2

Part 2: How do we know when we’ve gotten it right? We feel at peace. And part of getting it right is learning to forgive ourselves when we’ve gotten it wrong. But we don’t get to any of these places without allowing ourselves to feel the pain, to recognize the self-betrayal involved in making certain mistakes we made. Revisiting those moments when we said the thing or did the thing or failed to say the thing or failed to do the thing that would’ve led us and others to happiness. When instead we made a fear-based choice. And that was it; we made an unconscious choice for suffering, thinking in that delusional moment this was the way to avoid it. Love leads to heaven, not later but right here on earth, and fear leads to hell, not later but right here on earth. There are certain things that can only be transformed if we are willing to deeply feel them, not just know them intellectually but truly feel them. There is that wonderful quote from Aeschylus: “He who learns must suffer. And even in our sleep pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon our heart, and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God.” The coronavirus is depressing. It simply is. And it triggers in us everything else we have been depressed about, and which if we had honored for what it was at the time might’ve made us into people better prepared to handle this moment. Desensitizing ourselves to our pain is not a good idea; in fact we pay a price for it – or someone else does. And now it is here, whether we like it or not. But don’t forget the last part of the Aeschylus quote, that in our despair and against our will comes wisdom through the awful grace of God. Try to be at peace with your sadness, as I’ve learned to be a peace with mine. I’m at peace with it because I know it’s a teacher. I want to learn what it has to teach me, no matter how sad I am while doing so. For there will be an end to this pain, and we can prepare ourselves now to receive every drop of glory that awaits us on the other side.

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